


Hell is empty and all the devils are here

by locusdesperatus, MitsuInTheWorks



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Clone High
Genre: Crack, Lemon, M/M, Mpreg, Tragedy, bad penis euphemisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26200471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locusdesperatus/pseuds/locusdesperatus, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MitsuInTheWorks/pseuds/MitsuInTheWorks
Summary: Dual wield Kennedies
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/JFK
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	Hell is empty and all the devils are here

"Mr. Kennedy." JFK strode into the DSO headquarters, excited to see the government agent who had helped him save some hot broads from a minor zombie apocalypse. 

"Mr. Kennedy." Leon S. Kennedy returned the greeting with a flip of his pretty bangs. He was an emo boy and he really hoped that Mr. JFK noticed the shiny new Black Veil Brides pin on his tactical vest. "Welcome to the DSO. It's really nice to see you again."

"Do we have to pass through a metal detector?" JFK asked. "Because I'm packing heat in my pants! Ha ha ha!"

"No." Leon pointed towards a door with a single glass pane in it. "Wait in my office."

"Do you have a secretary? I have some papers she can file!" JFK waggled his eyebrows, marching over to the door and throwing it open. "Hel-lo office!" 

Of course, no one responded because shitty furniture and case files don't have mouths.

"Hmm… lots of awards in here. I guess Mr. Leon knows a thing or two about sucking up to the top brass." JFK wiped a thick layer of dust off of a plaque hanging on the wall. "Achoo!" He sneezed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. 

"Gross." Leon appeared behind him, his steps quieter than a mouse with teeny tiny mouse socks. "Please stop sneezing on my walls, I'm going to lose my appetite." He sat down at his desk, pulling out a big stack of files. 

"Your appetite for…. Sausage?" JFK turned around, holding his massive schlong. It was at least nine inches and more American than apple pie.

"Wowza." said Leon. He had a weakness for blind patriotism, and JFK was like the jackpot to his gambling addiction. "Pass the mustard." He said, eagerly licking his lips. 

He of course did not actually want mustard because he's more of a sauerkraut kind of guy, which is to say, he's weird and gross and likes cabbage.

He also likes dick, which is why he sucked off JFK like a real American hero. 

Leon eagerly slobbered on JFK's light saber, and the force was truly with him on this day. 

When JFK was closed to cumming, he pushed Leon off of his nine inch love cannon. Fortunately for them both, Leon has the reflexes of a house cat with cataracts, and managed to catch himself. He frantically unbuttoned his dress shirt, showing off his twinkish pectoral muscles.

"Cum on my chest, Mr. Kennedy!!" He shouted.

"Er…. Uhh- I'm cumming!"  
JFK began to sing the national anthem as orgasmed onto Leon's luscious boobies. As the salty, sticky baby batter sprayed between them, for a moment, they were one in the same. The ultimate Kennedy. Unstoppable, unkillable, unable to form more than three coherent sentences in the span of 24 hours.

"Looks like the cat got the cream!" JFK said happily. He put away his enormous meat popsicle and kicked the office door open.

Outside, several people gave him dirty looks because they had heard Leon scream for cummies. JFK marched past them, satisfied with his newest conquest. 

A week later, he came back for seconds. Mr. Leon was very good at playing the skin flute, and JFK secretly craved more. Barging into Leon's office, he ripped off his shirt and put his magnificent abs on display.

"How'd you like a taste of freedom?" He asked.

Leon made an "Awooga!" noise, and his jaw dropped on his desk before he did a barrel roll over the top of his files in order to get his hands on JFK's party sausage. He did a 360° turn, and then had to turn another 180° because he turned too far the first time.

"Do sex with me, JFK!" He said, pushing down his pants. He wasn't wearing underwear because he had been waiting for JFK to return and play some pin the tail on the donkey with him.

Because this is a fanfic and I do what I want, Leon's butt is magic and doesn't need to be stretched out in order to fit JFK's MASSIVE NINE INCH MEAT THERMOMETER.

Leon only complained a little bit that all his files were being thrown around the room, but he's a bitch, so JFK just ignored him. 😔

They did the sex like two rabbits who OD'ed on Viagra, eventually coming to an explosive finish. Leon screamed a profanity as he splooged all over the side of his desk. JFK continued to move his sex pistol in and out of Leon's back door, thoroughly enjoying himself. 

"Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" He roared, emptying his sack of JFK Jr.s into Leon's butt hole. He suddenly felt as right as rain, experiencing what we like to call "post-nut clarity". Giving Leon a hefty slap on the ass, JFK thanked him for his service to his country.

"Thank you for your, er, service to our country." JFK said. He was very thankful.

"You're welcome." Leon replied. He was thankful for penis.

JFK put away his USB dongle before walking out of the office and making a beeline to the front desk, where he began to flirt with the girls behind the counter. Leon watched, pulling out the pregnancy test that he had taken earlier that morning.

"I hope you're ready to be JFK Sr." He said, staring wistfully at his baby daddy. His stomach rumbled, agreeing that JFK would make a good dad. Or maybe it was just because Leon had eaten sauerkraut for lunch again. This was his eleventh meal of only sauerkraut, and he was beginning to feel like a teddy bear stuffed with cabbage.

As JFK left, he turned away from his hoard of women in order to blow Leon a goodbye kiss. Leon's heart melted on the spot, and he collapsed to the floor. His poor heart had given out from how much he loved JFK!!!!

"No!!" Screamed JFK. He ran over and began to give Leon CPR. "QUICK!!" He pointed at a random person. "WHAT'S THE NUMBER FOR 911?"

Oh no! Will their baby be ok??

to be continued…..?

(no. no it will not.)


End file.
